It’s a New Year’s Miracle! I found something worse than or equal to Qwaser of Stigmata! “Steel Angel Kurumi” isn’t just bad, it’s downright insulting! Hooray!
Before we begin, you’ll need the patented Fanservice Checklist! Be sure to bring:
-A maid girl
-A subservient robot girl
-A girl with glasses
-A guy who becomes a girl
-A girl with huge boobs
-A girl with no boobs
-A hyperactive girl
-A girl with little emotion
-A hot springs chapter
-An incestuous sibling
-Your dignity. Just kidding! You have none now!
Again, I don’t really want to lay out the Plot, so here’s the basic skippy. Nakahito? Such a loser. He accidentally kisses Kurumi, a “Steel Angel”. She activates and becomes his subservient groupie. Dr. Ayanokoji created Kurumi, although in order to be a maid. He also left the army to get away from all the baseless killings and blah blah blah. Dr. Amagi works for the army and she wants him back. She has glasses. Amagi steals another Steel Angel, Saki, and she in turn is kissed by Kurumi, who considers her a sister. Ayanokoji is kidnapped by a rival scientist, who has his own Steel Angel, Karinka. Then the others kind of forget about Ayanokoji and live with Amagi, and Mikhail, a mysterious stranger, lives with them too. And he’s EEEEEEEVIL! Then the volume ends with Karinka wailing on Saki.
The manga moves way too fast. There’s never a moment to stop and take it all in, which leaves the reader confused in the process. But really, there’s nothing worth examining. It’s all too shallow. It’s trying to be funny, but it fails because it never slows down and let you enjoy what happened. Also the jokes suck.
Part of why the jokes suck is because the normal dialogue is so bad to begin with. Here’s how we learn about Nakahito:
“You might be the son of some famous family, but we don’t give a damn. You’re weak, man! You’re nothin’!”
“Crying like a baby… and you call yourself a mystic?!”
“For someone who doesn’t have a mother, you sure are a mama’s boy!”
Exactly how it was written, by the way! A bunch of information unnaturally conveyed to the reader through bland exposition! And there’s basic stuff too, like, “I must obey my master’s command. I must… fight my sister!” PLEASE, spare me.
So… the plot is good, right? Of course not! It’s unfocused and sloppy. The creators cared more about pandering to the lowest denominator with its generic sexual tendencies. For example, there’s a gun that turns Nakahito into a woman! And his brother falls in love with him! And starts feeling him up! And then Kurumi joins in the fun! Because that’s how men’s minds work, right? We all just wanna do our sisters!
Oh, then the characters must be wonderful! No, no, no. It’s exactly who you expect. Kurumi is the lead, so she has to be a hyper pixie girl. The second lead girl, Saki, is obviously the more straightforward of the pair. And Karinka? Well… she has no boobs. Ooooh! And yes, Nakahito is, as I’ve mentioned, the typical loser. Nothing original here, folks!
Art? Nope! It’s generic and even a little baffling. Especially the action scenes. Half the time I don’t know what’s going on, and that’s on top of the already poorly structured plot! It’s not like there’s much to look at anyway. So why was this series even made?
“Hey, everyone! Let’s all work hard so they’ll make this series into an anime!”
And it was.
With some OVAs.
Why, God of Anime, why?
Well… here’s episode one… I gotta say, the anime seems to drag as much as the manga feels rushed. I can’t believe how slow everything feels. It would be great to have some middle ground.
Also, that opening. Are you telling me that the Steel Angels are the only characters? Where’s the scientists, or Mikhail, or Nakahito? You know, the main character? I really hate openings like this that trick its audience.
The voice acting is a sham. Whoever played Nakahito, STOP WHISPERING. He mumbles so much, I’m surprised any airwaves could carry such tiny sounds! And the other voices… eh. The narrator at the end of the episode sounds like she’s really bored. I’m not surprised.
Oh, and the pandering? Kurumi is naked from her first appearance, but clothed shortly after. Thanks for that! Just wanted to assure the audience “Don’t worry! There’s plenty of naked women after this episode! Here’s a sneak peek!”
Frankly, I’m astounded how this got off the ground. Will Japanese men just watch or read anything with the basic hormone-pleasers? This isn’t why I read manga. This isn’t even why I learned to read. “Steel Angel Kurumi” is an unenjoyable mess from beginning until the next volume. I imagine it’s only worse from there.
How many reviews this year? …Forty-nine? Tell you what, let’s make it an even fifty. Check in tonight an we’ll end the year off with a good note.
I’m so glad to have broken the Qwaser curse… thank you, God of Manga!
Oh… Uh, not you, Mr. Tezuka. But thanks for Astroboy and Lost World.